Memories of my Salvation.

Headed home after my shopping madness yesterday on public with my ipod and that's when i really started thinking abt what i'm gonna do with my life, my walk with God... sometimes when all is well - when i'm not tired and have lots of time to spare - i do enjoy taking the bus. sadly it's when i'm on the bus that i have the time to stop and think, reflect, ponder... Hillsongs will be on the top of the list whenever my ipod is plugged in as i'm travelling. whether u agree or not, it sets the mood for reflection and having some personal quiet time.

when it finally came to a really old song..."So You Would Come"... i suddenly felt like i was being transported back to those days in tcc's sanctuary.

Before the world began
You were on His mind
And every tear you cry
Is precious in His eyes
Because of His great love
He gave His only son
and everything was done
so you would come

Come to the Father
Though your gift is small
Broken hearts, broken lives
He will take them all
The power of the word
The power of His blood
And everything was done
So you would come

Nothing you can do
Could make Him love you more
And nothing that you've done
Could make Him close the door
Because of His great love
He gave His only son
And everything was done
So you would come

Come to the Father
Though your gift is small
Broken hearts, broken lives
He will take them all
The power of the word
The power of His blood
And everything was done
So you would come

By: Hillsongs

as i heard the lyrics, tears welled up in my eyes. it reminded me of the day rouen brought me to youth service. i was just 13. shy and quiet me didnt really dare to talk to anyone. following that, she invited me to attend a Bondage Breaker event. i remember how much i hesitated to put up my hand during alter call and how in the end i courageously decided to do it anyway. until this day, i can still testify that my decision was right and i really thank God for making me His child. God has been so patient and faithful to me this whole time and i've always been letting him down, leading my life the way i want behind the facade of not wanting history to repeat itself. it has been 10 yrs and i can still remember how as a young christian i enjoyed God's presence so much and i've always wanted to be in church coz i REALLY enjoy worship so much. indeed, moving to cbc was a great challenge. despite all the persuasion from my friends, i insisted on sticking to my decision coz i really didnt want my rel to sour. to put it in a blunt way, i left my comfort zone, gave up what i could have with God and chose to be with dan in cbc. to be honest, i do think that my rel with God has been short-changed. but being so used to it now, it doesnt really bother me anymore. it has taken a back seat somewhere in my heart. i do treasure what i have now and do not hope to deal with any major changes. my heart is so settled and i dont think there's anyone else for me... this makes it even harder to make decisions that will jeopardise things. i'm even willing to give up my dream to be with the one i love. like it or not, the culture in cbc is not healthy. but yet again, it's generational and i can hardly expect any changes. for example, most youths/kids have been going to church since they were babies. they know so much abt the Word but yet deep inside they do not even understand the meaning of the things we do. they are mostly emotionally detached. on the other hand, many youths in tcc are 1st generation christians. they accepted christ on their own and it really does make a difference. even the kids are different. for example, some of the youngest kids in tcc understands the meaning of tithing whereas adults like me dont even practise it. i really enjoy tcc's church culture. sometimes i whine abt it but most of the time i just give up trying. i ended up being comfortable with just going to church on sundays. i hate it. but it'll be like this. at least for a while - altho it has been almost 6 years. will things ever change?

sorry for such a messy post.. ya tat's kinda it... it's hard to put in words... till then.. another work week =|