Emptiness

Have been feeling rather empty recently. not sure why. it's like at the back of my mind, i miss dan... but i just wouldn't wanna think abt it lest it gets to me. sigh. sessions of checking out cute guys... talking abt them... and going out with a random guy who asked me out a couple of times kinda gave me this want for a guy to be ard. who wouldnt admit that it indeed feels good to be pursued? not like i'm being pursued now.. just that it would be nice to have someone ard. of coz i wish dan could be the one. but well, looks like it's gonna be me, and just me for a while. watching gossip girl and with cute nathan and all that romance and making out is not helping either. makes me wanna be with someone even more. gosh this makes me sound really desperate ya? maybe i shld stop laughing at desperate ppl. perhaps it's a human thing. perhaps i have never felt this coz i've always had someone when i needed one and even if i dont, i think i'm capable of getting one. which brings me to the point where once again, i prove that my boss can be such an ass when it comes to jokes. he knows no limits and often step on ppl's toes. and yes, my toes!

"so zandra... where are u going? oh... to visit ur bf... why dont u give him a surprise? like go earlier or sth? but hope it won't be you who will be surprised... catching him with another girl... what would you do? aiya perhaps u dont even need to think of extending your leave if that happens. you'll come back like 3 days later. what would you do?" -- boss

"haha if that happens, i'll just leave. and of coz i'll come back with a cuter guy!" -- my mouth

"wow he's away for 1 year... so how?... you mean you trust him? there's no such thing as trust. you're so naive... and yes we're so naive to even hire you!" -- boss

"WTF?" -- my head

you get what i mean? he's just a jerk to even say such a thing! i know he's kidding and all but i do think he needs to be more tactful. and yes i have been feeling sensitive nowadays not coz i dont trust him... just coz i feel so far away and thus insecure. that joke was really way overboard for me. ughhhhhhhhhhhh. and it was a DEPARTMENT meeting MIND YOU! like WTFFFFFFFFFFFF rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

Living the HIGH life

stood and walked in the sun for 5 straight hours today at the Barclays Singapore Open. half burnt now. like literally. half my face... wearing my shades and a visor explains it. I looked like a red & white faced monster now. my arms are burnt. and the worse is... ny neck has a v-shaore burnt!! all thanks to my polo tee!! now i look like daniel when he was in army!!! boohoohoo.. my batam tan went to a waste!

anyways, that's not the highlight of my little experience obviously. let's just say that i wanted a taste of living the high life... and i saw for myself the kind of ppl who attends or play golf.. and i really wanna learn golf now!! suffice to say that the number of cute and rich guys who were there alr motivated me. yes tat's so shallow of me... but watever! i've seen more cute and eligible guys than i have the past 4 years in uni!!! and the past 4 months at work!! sometimes it's just nice to live out that little fantasy... i was literally stalking this 2 caucasions... or rather, my parents and i... haha!! these 2 guys are sooooooooooooooooooo hot!! altho i suspect they're gays.. they're prob together from their mannerism...ekkks AND i also saw tonnes of good-built -good-looking MEN (i must stress this), driving their lambos,beemers,SLKs,lotus,lexus... like u name it, they have it... it's so tempting to just be a slut and make my sole aim in life to find a rich and handsome guy and be a taitai. but that will never happen. kinda. coz i never ever attract caucasions. i dont know why but i just dont. and i guess i dont have the heart of an SPG too. also most of those chinese eligible guys are prob taken. well, so am i. i can just sit and hope that one day my darling will like golf too.. have a good built...drive a flashy car... and still want me as his gf. or wife. haha! when will that day be?

but on a more serious note... golf is really for the upper class. it's the whole meetyourfriends-flauntyourskills-showoffyourgirl-drinklotsofbeer-walktoyoourflashycar event. but despite it being like that... these people really DO play golf and they know their stuff. and i think that's what makes them so forgivable even if you feel they lead a life of decadence. if they have what it takes, why shldn't they flaunt it. it's who they are. we're just being envious. ok i'm just being envious. i wanna have that kinda status one day. i wanna learn how to play golf.... not just because it's a sophisticated game, but through this experience i actually find it an exciting sport!! hard to believe ya? it has a lot to do with strategy as well as precision and accuracy. it's a perfect game for someone who seeks so much perfection like me =) that's something for me to decide on in the future...

oh well.. more on the game.. i actually DID concentrate on the game ok! guys were just during breaks. hahaa... Vijay Singh was soooooooooooooo close to a tie!! in fact i thought his game was way better and more exciting than the lead's! and my new idol now... Adam Scott! not only is he good-looking... and definitely skillful!! he's cool too hahaa... loves it when he does that golfer's pose.. and his pants couldnt have been cooler!! i know darling would love those pants if he saw it. 100%. i walked from the 7th hole to 18th... and mind u... before we even decide to stay at the 7th hole, we were walking all over the place coz we were clueless as to where the holes were located. yes... brainless us didnt check the MAP. hahaa... it's actually quite tiring watching golf live! it's alot of walking.... u get thirsty but try not to get so many drinks coz a CAN of 100plus cost us $2. ridiculous! then again..rem the ppl there are rich so they bought ALOT of drinks. sentosa just wanna make the kill at such events... anyways, altho i'm totally burnt and hot now... i enjoyed and am glad i went! it was an awesome experience getting to meet world famous ppl and have them smile back at u... =) alright.. back to work tmr... zzzzzzz

I'm Alive...

oh well this blog has been quiet for quite a while... somehow i always end up wanting to blog after speaking to R!! anyways... decided to blog coz i'm feeling really grossed out and scared after watching Pleasure Factory. Yes it's dumb and silly of me... the image of the old man still haunts me! =( honestly, the show suck! and it doesnt deserve any mention at all at the cannes festival. sigh! there's just too much left to the audience's imagination and stuff tat the audience can actually realistically do some imagination the director has to show it so explicitly. there's just not enough development of characters and re-creation of the feel and atmosphere of geylang. it felt like the whole show was just abt a few ppl wanting to or contemplating if they shld do it and ends up doing it. minimal speech was used in the film which explains why we were left baffled more than half the time. sigh! but i feel affected nevertheless... scene of the girl giving the old cheekopek man a blowjob still haunts me!! =( i hate the show!

anyways... finally got to speak to darling for a while this afternoon. told him how upset i was that he didnt mention me at all in his post! he mentioned his friends and even his family but not me. call me sensitive or watever u want... but he's so far away.. the least he could do to make me feel remembered is to mention me somewhere.. how unfair! anyway demanding me told him i would have to see me in there somewhere in his next post.. hahaa i enjoy torturing him! ;) i miss him... so much... can't wait for dec!! alright i shld really sleep... church, winter clothes trying and Barclays open tmr... i would need the energy... later!