who would have thought

he would make me go through such pain. it hurts so bad right now i wish i was dead. i always wanna think that i'm stronger than i am.. but i do get affected by the things i see. i have been feeling sad since bs at G&W's house earlier. seeing them happily married and two other couples happily attached. i could feel my inner voice crying out "it could have been me!" but no... now what's left are just broken dreams. brokenness. i dont even know how to put it. went to watch Definitely, Maybe with the gang. i thought it was a stupid show! but still i got affected by it seeing some form of similarity in our stories. although i think even my story can be more exciting than the show. the streets of newyork just brings back even more memories. i cant imagine having to erase all of that from my life. i just can't! i want him back. i want him back! =( i want what i deserve and i detest the potential intruders! they dont deserve him. i do! why cant we just be tog? SIGH. WHY! =(((((((((((